Love Conquers All

It is weird how adversity really makes you take a look at what you have and shows you how great it is. Candra and I had some ups and and downs these past few weeks and it guaranteed we are in this for the long haul.

Breaking Point

How do you know when it's time to walk away? When you love someone so much and then feel like you can't trust them it feels like the end. Sometimes no matter how much you are in love you have to make sure that you take care of yourself and sometimes that means walking away.

FRUSTRATED

This distance is wearing really really thin. Everyday it seems like something else comes up and it's one more or 5 more days that we are apart. It doesn't matter how I feel about it because it's just going to happen and happen and happen and happen and happen. I don't know how much more I can handle. I don't like being alone. I'm ALWAYS alone.

Being apart makes us mad.

We have been apart for almost a week. It makes us crazy. She will get mad that I am not there or say that I am ignoring her then I get mad because she is mad. It really stinks trying to do this long distance thing. I wish it was easier but it is worth it. I don't think she thinks I miss her. I do. I do so much.

Also this white rapper has got to go.

There he goes again

he is gone again and it is cold here. he has become part of my life that I hate losing over and over again. I know its only a couple weeks till the next time but it still hurts.
i'm so tired of missing you.

kicked in the ass

as these days go by this relationship gets crazier and crazier. I was so skeptical when i met this boy. i hated everyone, did not believe in love for a second, and in 7 months my world is upside down. i don't think we fell in love right away. we met and pretty much started hanging out as much as possible. We became actual friends. i never was actually friends with anyone i was dating before. like real i want to hang out and laugh and talk about nothing friends. i knew that i liked him and then when he broke my heart i knew it was maybe a little more than what i was letting myself believe. things haven't been always easy but once we admitted we were in love everything flowed so much smoother. once that wall was down there was no stopping what rushed in. it is everything i never knew i could really have. i am afraid that this isn't real and one day i will wake up and realize i don't love this guy and i need to get out of this. they say when it's real you just know, but do you? this is some kind of something that i have never had before but i still don't know. who knows?
what i do know is that this man makes me laugh, and he reads to my girls, he makes me think about things differently, he pushes me to do whatever it is I want in life, he makes me snack plates, and he loves us.
and i love him.

Why can't she just be happy?

It seems like every time I get a gig that I have to cancel some plans I made. Saturday is trick or treat and I was going to go with Candra and her girls but I got a last minute gig about an hour away. I need the money and the stage time and she makes me feel like a piece of shit for canceling on her. It is how the business works. I was offered a gig yesterday for the same money but it was two nights which wasn't worth it to me. However 1 night for 100 bucks an hour away is definetly worth it but I am still the bad guy.