Why can't she just be happy?

It seems like every time I get a gig that I have to cancel some plans I made. Saturday is trick or treat and I was going to go with Candra and her girls but I got a last minute gig about an hour away. I need the money and the stage time and she makes me feel like a piece of shit for canceling on her. It is how the business works. I was offered a gig yesterday for the same money but it was two nights which wasn't worth it to me. However 1 night for 100 bucks an hour away is definetly worth it but I am still the bad guy.

Forget

When Bill is home things fall into place like he was never gone. I have another week with him and then he is off again and I hate remembering that. I hate remembering that soon I will be alone in my bed again. I hate remembering that he won't be riding to day care in the mornings with me. I hate remembering that I don't have to pick up all his socks off my bedroom floor. I hate remembering that I have no one to laugh with in bed.
I wish I could just forget all that.

BILL READ MY BLOG

That dirty bastard read my last post!
He did however put dishes in the dishwasher 2 days in a row.

When Bill is in Town

When Bill is home I don't feel the need to write here as often. He keeps me very busy. He really is either my 4th or 5th kid. I'm not sure if he is ahead or behind my dog on the child list.
Bill is not good at things like putting dishes in the sink. He is very good with the kids and he will usually do anything I ask unless i ask him to cut the grass. I don't want to put demands on him or be a nag or whatever. I just want him to know automatically what to do and he doesn't. I will have to start training him on how to be domestic. When I live in NY with him I don't want to be the only one doing stuff around the house. If he does get rich and famous and I stay home, no problem but as long as Im working, schooling, mothering, and pet ownering, I need help with the dishes.

6 months

I have only had one other relationship that has lasted longer than this one and it was only three months longer. I don't like to measure relationships in time as much as I like to measure them in how much you grow as a person.

I have grown quite a bit in these six months. I like were this relationship is taking me. I might even be a real man because of it someday. I know I am not yet because I couldn't find the pilot light on her furnace last week and her boss came over and lit it. I know I could crush him at Madden but that seems kind of insignificant in a four season climate.

Hump

I hope Candra doesn't hump the white rapper.

six weird very long months

So we just celebrated six months of being in each others lives on Oct. 10. Six months seems like such a small amount of time, but it has been such a roller coaster. From a random meeting at a comedy show to hopping the highway to nyc.
I found a song that reminds me of this thing we have here.
It's by Nine Inch Nails
"We're In This Together"

I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chose

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what they fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear

the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you

all that we were is gone we have to hold on
when all our hope is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone but we can hold on

you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
even after everything
you're the queen and I'm the king
nothing else means anything

My baby saved the day

I almost hit a deer last night and I went off the road jumped the median and ended up on the other side of the highway. I am ok and Candra came and picked me up and was at the scene before the tow druck driver. It is good to be loved.

Honestly

Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough for Bill. Im not exactly a catch. Im sure his family probably thinks he is insane for ever wanting to be with someone like me. Sometimes I really think I should let him go and be free and not have to worry about me and this long distance relationship we have going on. I just want things to be good for him and I don't want to hold him back. I just love him so much I think I am too selfish to give him up.
I was having a conversation yesterday with my friend stephanie and she was saying that she has never seen me this way before and honesty I don't think I have ever been this way about anyone ever.
I love him.

Drunk Dialed

So Candra had a party on Saturday followed by a party in Sunday. She got drunk Saturday and really really on Sunday. Also her friends got really drunk and one threw up on her floor. Drunk people can be the funnest people in the world but once they start puking there is nothing good about them. No one is ever drunk and responsible enough to clean up their own puke. Poor baby.

Party

Last night I threw one of my best ladies a 29th birthday party. She is the first of us to go. I don't understand why women hate getting older and men could really care less. I think maybe it's because women have this thing where we love being the youngest one at the table. Sometimes you're going to be at a table full of old biddies and think you're the baby of the table when the bitch next to you says, well Im 24. HAHA Sarah. Welcome to our world!

How many times?

Today I was in Chicopee, MA doing stand up with Bobby Kelly. It was a good time and the audience really liked me. So that is that.

On the way Candra called me and I didn't answer because my phone was on vibrate and I didn't feel it. So I replied via text to see what was up. She said that she just wanted to talk to me and say she loves me which I appreciate. Then she sent me a text message saying she thinks she loves me way more than I love her. I don't think that is fair. How can you measure love? Is love just being needy? Why am I the bad guy?

Saturday Morning

I had horrible dreams Thursday night and I was scared to go to sleep last night. I am so happy to report no bad dreams! WOOHOO.
I have a million things to do today lets make a list.
clean house
photo shoot
get nails done
go to grocery store
make cocktail hour snacks
pick up babysitter
have cocktail hour fun with friends
kristie's b day dinner
take babysitter home
go to sleep.

Bill gets home Tuesday and I can't wait to have him to myself. I support everything he does and I fully believe in him but sometimes I want to take him away from the world for a few hours and just have him all for me. It's really crazy to me to have these feelings for him. I was seriously so happy to be getting away from my last relationship and to be alone for once in my life. I guess that was not meant to be.
I didn't fall in love with Bill immediately. I didn't even think I would. I had no clue it was even headed for that.
I found Bill on myspace about a year ago now. I added him to an account I made for a little web show my friend and I were doing. I had an idea for making a documentary about behind the curtain of stand up. I just love stand up so omuch and I thought that it would be really fun to make. So I found him and 2 other guys but I didn't contact them because I wasn't ready to start yet. Fast forward months later to march 31, 2007. Kristie and I went to go see Robert Kelly at the improv. He had 2 openers, Bill and Ryan. To be honest. I don't really remember seeing Bill. I can't remember my initial reaction. I remember Ryan because I saw him before the show and I remember thinking this guy is either robert kelly's roadie or he is a flasher. I kind of rememeber bill being on stage but I know that overall I thought the show was great and all the guys were really good. I remember walking out of the show and saying bye to Robert and I know Ryan was there but bill is absent from my memory.
The next day bill found me on myspace and we started talking. I asked him about the project and then I realized that this is the same guy I found months before. It was very serendipitious. Even then we started hanging out and eventually things went farther but I still didn't realize where it was headed.
I still don't know. I know that I want to be with him and I am ready to move all the way to New York City to support him and be with him and make this thing work. I will give up my little neighborhood with a big house and a big yard for a huge city with a tiny place and no yard. I will give up my friends for annonymity.
I think he is worth it.

Bad Dream

Candra had a nightmare last night where I was kidnapped and she never saw me again. She was very distraught at the thought of never seeing me again. Sorry you had a nightmare babe, but it really made me feel loved.

Postcard from 1982

today i was playing with my friend adam and we were climbing trees and running when a new neighbor girl came over to play. she had some awesome sandals that laced up your legs. At some point she took those shoes off and man I saw my chance. I grabbed those shoes and ran home. I hid in the cabinet of the coffee table. my gramma had no idea what I was doing. Then the girl knocked on the door and ratted me out. i had to give those shoes back. dang i wanted those shoes.

by the way, in 1982 i was 4.

Hi, I am Bill.

So my name is Bill and I am Candra's boyfriend. We are going to do this alternating journal entry to see if anything interesting comes of it. The thing is we can't read each others entries. We have to be honest and write our feelings and be completely honest. It should be pretty interesting. This pretty much my introduction post so I will tell you a little bit about myself and how I met Candra.

I am a stand up comedian. I have been doing it since 2004. Before Stand Up comedy I was a Mormon Missionary in the Philippines. I never wanted to be a missionary but it was something very important to my parents so I did it to make the happy. It wasn't the best two years but it had its moments and was worth it for the most part. I am not an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (mormons) any more. When I got home from the Philippines I started doing stand up because I knew I wanted a career where I could have fun and be myself.

Over the passed 3 years I have done pretty well for myself as a comedian. I am performing pretty much full time or at least enough to scrape by. Stand Up is how I met Candra who I fell in love with despite it being completely inconvenient to both of us. She has three girls that I love but I never thought I would be as big a part of there lives as I am. We met via myspace after she left a comment on the headliners myspace page and I added her as a friend. I noticed her on her way out of the comedy club and immediately thought she was cute so I was happy to have found her on myspace. It turns out we could have met months earlier because she ran across my profile while researching to do a project she still hasn't done. We went out a few times and were pretty comfortable right from the start. We are pretty in love and I know that because we are that couple that everyone hates to be around because we are always kissing and holding hands and acting like a couple of faggots really.

I just moved to New York City to further my comedy career. This journal will document Candra and my relationship and how it holds up. We will see how this thing works out.

Introduction

Welcome to our project. This is a blog about our lives together and apart told through a series of journal entries. We are not allowed to look at the other ones post.
We will see where this leads us.
I'm Candra, 28.
I am a mom to 3 girls, Skylar 8, Fallyn 6, and Jezalyn 5. I am trying to figure out what my place is in this world career wise. Currently I work with a furniture designer doing everything from accounting work to marketing and PR. I also do marketing and PR for my boyfriend (Bill) who is a comedian.
Our current situation is we are a new couple, we have been together almost 6 months now and we just recently became a long distance couple. I am still living in Ohio and he just moved to New York City.
Hold on to your hats because this is going to be a bumpy ride.